6 Helping Points to When You Are Stressed

Take Better Breaths

Proper breathing is crucial for an orgasm, says sex educator Yvonne Fulbright, PhD, author of The Better Sex Guide to Extraordinary Lovemaking. “It improves circulation, enhancing your sexual responsiveness and sensations.” Sounds amazing, right? Before you have sex, use diaphragmatic breathing to help you relax, suggests Fulbright. Lie on your back with your knees bent and your feet flat. Let go of all your thoughts as you breathe through your nose and out your mouth, then put one hand on your belly and focus on your abdomen rising and falling. And if you find yourself getting distracted during sex, get back on track by focusing on breathing deeply through your diaphragm again.

Slow Down Foreplay 

When you’re stressed, a quickie might seem like the simplest option—but it probably won’t be the most satisfying. Instead, incorporate some wind-down routines into your pregame, like giving each other massages or taking a hot shower together, says Fulbright. But here’s the catch: Don’t look at this as simply the prelude to the main event. Unwinding together and making that the focus of your attention—rather than the sex you’re anticipating having—takes the pressure off both of you so you can really enjoy the sensations, says Fulbright. Plus, relieving your stress early on will increase your chances of having an orgasm later in the night.

Get Your Heart Pumping

Stop ending your stressful days in front of the TV and go for a short walk instead, says Fulbright. You’re still giving yourself time to mentally check out from work, but you’re also getting your heart rate up, which will give you the temporary boost of energy that you need to get in the mood.

Reach for the Lube 

Too much anxiety can leave you drier than the desert—even when you’re mentally turned on—which sends a signal to your brain that you’re not in the mood, says Fulbright. But you can remedy that with a few drops of lube. Grab it as soon as you start getting busy so you don’t have the chance the get discouraged by dryness. “A couple of drops will relax you and take the pressure off,” says Fulbright.

Focus on What Feels Good

It’s impossible to totally turn off your mind during sex, but you can train yourself to hone in on your sensations rather than thoughts on tomorrow’s big presentation. Research shows that practicing mindfulness in the bedroom—paying attention to what you’re feeling right now and letting other distracting thoughts slip by—can help you get and stay aroused, says Hamilton.

Pencil It In 

Scheduling sex might seem like the least sexy thing ever, but it can be your best bet for zero-distraction pleasure. “If you’re scheduling it, you’re making it a priority. You’re free at that time and you know you don’t have to worry about those other things,” says Hamilton. So even if you both only have a half hour to spare, put everything else aside and make it count!